Let Your Light Shine

Today we are going to look at the choices that we make when we go to parties and events. The choices of the clothes that we wear, the accessories that we put on. I am wearing today a Native American fetish necklace. This was my mother-in-law's. When she passed away, I inherited some of her beautiful jewelry. This is not something that I wear every day. I don't see my style as Native American, even though I do have Native American blood in my heritage. I don't consider that my style, but for me to be me, I choose lots of different items of clothing and accessories. There are times when this Native American jewelry is  exactly what I want.  So what is style? When I was putting the necklace on, my husband and I had a little discussion. That's why I decided to use this for a starting point in my story today.  I said, “what's in style.” That's different than what your style is. He mentioned our daughter who lives in New York. She is amazing with her creativity. She  makes a lot of her own clothes and a lot of the stuff that she wears, you would never find it in a store or see anyone else wearing it. Her neighbor gave her a vintage dress. She did a little magic with her sewing skills and created an amazing dress for herself.

One of a kind…that's her style and she is one of a kind herself. When she's hanging around the house she'll wear whatever, but if you go to her social media accounts, you will see some of the amazing things that she's created. She made a crown for herself that she wears with her mermaid tail. Yes, she is a mermaid too. Her mermaid crown is made with pearls, fish net, and other waterside finds. That's why I call it a mermaid crown. She went to a renaissance fair and was dressed sort of steam punky. Full on steam punk wouldn’t be her style. She wore that crown and created her own outfit to fit her style. There was an actual mermaid in a tank who she couldn't talk. The mermaid didn't talk, but she raised up over the top of the tank and was pointing to the crown my daughter was wearing. She was trying to trade a clamshell for the crown. My daughter’s crown is that cool. That is my daughter's style. If she went to a renaissance fair in t-shirt jeans, it would not be her.  All of us have our own style. Our style is the way that we exhibit or express our most creative self.

I want you to remember that your style is how you express your most creative self. That phrase ‘in style’...what’s in style? It usually means what we think is okay to wear, what is going to be appropriate, what's going to be acceptable? How can I look like everyone else? That's not what we want to create. That’s not what we want to do when we are expressing our most creative self. At your most creative you are different from anybody else. There's nobody like you at your most creative self. At your most creative, the clothes and accessories that you choose are going to be a little bit different…maybe even eclectic. Perhaps they will be unique to the point where people think, “Hmm, that's interesting,” with a little smirk on their lips. B that's okay. If it's expressing your most creative self, then that is totally appropriate.

I hired an image consultant. I've actually hired her a couple of times. Now, I taught makeup style to hundreds of Mary Kay consultants back when I was a Mary Kay Director. I taught across the country in six different states. In my makeup workshops I taught the women to not wear the same makeup every day. You'll notice if you go back on my videos, I look different in every single video. Today I've got a hot pink fuchsia lipstick on. I have this gorgeous black onyx Native American fetish necklace. You'll definitely see my most creative self coming out in my videos. I need to match my clothing and my accessories to the person that I am…me as a person…otherwise I stand out in a sore thumb kind of way.  I know I do. I stand out if I try to blend in. I would be inauthentic. Many people try to hide their true selves by trying to blend in. We're worried about being judged or rejected. Or we have our own little inhibitions about being our true selves. But this is your most creative self, which is your spirit. By being true to our creative side, it's like wearing your spirit on your sleeve, literally your sleeves! That's what this is all about. When you are dressing up to attend events, be you, that's all I'm inviting you to.

So back to my story. I did hire an image consultant. I've hired her a couple of times. The last time I hired her, the most recent time was a couple of years ago. She came to my house. I paid her a little extra to go through my closet. We went through it together. We had big black garbage bags. We were putting clothes in these black garbage bags for donation. Every time something went in there I thought, “What the heck am I going to wear? This is everything I have!” I literally had 13 pieces, 13 items left in my closet. I counted them…including shoes, and most of my jewelry was gone. I think I had maybe about three or four pieces of jewelry left (outside of my sentimental pieces like the fetish necklace.)

My image consultant actually wanted me to throw out some of those, but I said, “I  can't get rid of these, these really speak to my most creative self.” I hung onto those. I tried one of them this morning to see if it went with this outfit, but it  didn't work. I went with the fetishes. I hung onto to them even though they were out of style, because they expressed my style. 

For today I want  to help you start to think in two different ways. I've been through this too, to the way bigger extent than what I'm going to ask you today to do. Today, I’m inviting you to go to your closet. Dig way back to the back of your closet. Pull out the last five things in your closet.  If you're like me, when I bring things in from the wash and hanging them up, I'm always hanging them up right at the front.  Then when I start to choose my clothes, I start at the front. That's the way I do it.Maybe you have yours color coded and organized a different way, but for me, I always know which items I wear most by what is at the front.

Go to those five items that have been worn the least, they probably have not seen the light of day in the last six months. Those five items, lay them out on your bed. You're going to ask a couple of questions. First, if it's seasonal, and you’re not wearing it because it’s not the right season, then get a box or something where you can fold it nicely. You’re off the hook, you can keep it. Just don’t keep it in the same space of your closet as the clothes you wear often right now. I don't have a very big closet. If you have a big closet you've got a section where you can put seasonal stuff. Move it so it's not cluttering your brain when you're trying to decide what to wear according to your most creative self. Put that aside for next season. That's the first question, is it seasonal? you're not going to be wearing it in the next four to six months. Put it out of the way. 

The second question, does it fit? If not, I'm going to encourage you to donate it. You might think, “But I am going to get that size again.” At that point you will be a different person. I have a whole new closet now today than I did before. My image consultant took all but 13 items. I'm a totally different person now. In fact, I've even given away a couple of those items that were left, those 13 items. I'm thinking about getting rid of some of the shoes now too. The reason I recommend donating what doesn’t fit is that you have to become a different person, to be a different size, whether you're bigger or smaller, you have to be a different person that you are today to make a change. You have to change your mindset. You have to change your eating habits, you have to change your lifestyle. There are many things that have to happen for you to be a different size. If you are going to be a different size, if you're going through all the change that is required to be a different size, you surely are not going to be the same person that bought that outfit in the first place. So if it doesn't fit today, let go of it. Now, remember we are only talking about the 5 things in the very back of your closet. And by giving it away, you are not giving up on being that size again. The purpose of releasing the item is because when you have made that change in yourself, you are going shopping! You’l be buying some new clothes that express now who you are at your most creative self. You're expressing your most creative self with what you're most comfortable with at the moment. 

I have a black tie gala event that I'm going to next Saturday. I know what I'm going to wear. It is super sparkly. I bought it in Chicago at a designer boutique. I haven't worn it yet. I bought it last fall. It was probably four or five months ago. I haven't had an event yet to be able to wear it. It's going to put me out of my comfort zone to wear it. I know I'm going to stand out. I'm probably going to be dressed more “Hollywood Red Carpet” than anybody else in the whole place. But this is expressing my most creative self. I am really expecting to step outside my comfort zone to walk into the event in this dress. That is it. That's what it's all about. True humility is allowing yourself to step outside your comfort zone to be the most authentic you and expressing your most creative self. If it makes you a little uncomfortable, that's okay this is part of growth. If I wore something to blend in, I would stand out in a negative way, I would seem inauthentic.  Because I stand out naturally!  I have to wear something that honors that about myself.

Wow, I got on my soap box about that…where were we?  Oh yeah, we were doing the exercise. If it's seasonal, donate it. If it doesn't fit, donate it. All right? Then whatever is left, I want you to put it on, stand in front of a full length mirror and ask yourself if this outfit out shines you…or…if it makes you shine. Something can outshine you. If it's ugly on you, it is outshining you. If it's dowdy on you or if it belongs on your sister instead of you, it will outshine you. People will notice the outfit. They will not notice you. When you connect with people, you don't necessarily want them to notice the outfit. You want them to notice you. Now, my Hollywood dress, when I put it on, everybody in that boutique was gushing, “Oh my gosh, that dress was made for you. You have to get it!” And of course I did. This dress that I'm going to wear will not outshine me even though it might outshine everybody else in the room. The goal is not to step in and make everybody else be in the spotlight while you are in the shadows. The goal is for you, for your spirit, your most creative self to shine out beyond the outfit. If I wore something dowdy, or even if I wore something beautiful but it blended in with everyone else or it was made for someone else, I would be out of alignment.  The dress would outshine me. People would look at me and think, “Hmm, that's an interesting outfit, not sure what it is, but I can’t quit looking at it.” Even if it was beautiful, it wouldn't be me if it outshone me.

This holiday season, get past these limiting beliefs that we have, these barriers that we have about letting our spirits shine.  We are greater than we allow ourselves to be. We use this physical body to dim our spirits many times. We use the clothes that we wear to do it even more.

All right, so you're going to stand in front of that full length mirror and decide,”Does this outfit outshine me? Is it out of alignment with my true style, with that my most creative self? Or does it make me shine? Does it let me shine?” If it doesn't make you shine, then you donate that too. It's very possible that all five of those outfits are going to be out the door. But that is totally awesome! It gives you more space in your closet. As you are asking for Christmas gifts this year, maybe there are some different clothes or accessories that you could ask for. Or go buy for yourself some outfits that are more in alignment with your most creative self. I hope that you will really embrace this and begin to express your most creative self. Allow your spirit to shine. I would love to see pictures of the clothes that you give away and a picture of yourself in your outfit that matches your style that really expresses your most creative self. Contact me https://wylenebenson.com/contact-wylene-benson/ to find out more about the Style Package I offer to bring your physical appearance into alignment with who you are on the inside.